Cages aren't just made of metal

Commitment FEAR Love FAMILIARITY Love HAPPINESS Unknown LOVE Masochist WHAT IF Desire HOPE Love PRACTICALITY Passive ILLUSION Love CONSEQUENCES Commitment FEAR Love FAMILIARITY Love HAPPINESS Unknown LOVE Masochist WHAT IF Desire HOPE Love PRACTICALITY Passive ILLUSION Love CONSEQUENCES Commitment FEAR Love FAMILIARITY Love HAPPINESS Unknown LOVE Masochist WHAT IF Desire HOPE Love PRACTICALITY Passive ILLUSION Love CONSEQUENCES Commitment FEAR Love FAMILIARITY Love TRUST  Unknown LOVE Masochist WHAT IF SOMEONE LET ME OUT Love PRACTICALITY Passive ILLUSION Love CONSEQUENCES Commitment FEAR Love FAMILIARITY Love HAPPINESS Unknown LOVE Masochist WHAT IF Desire HOPE Love PRACTICALITY Passive ILLUSION Love CONSEQUENCES Commitment FEAR Love FAMILIARITY Love HAPPINESS Unknown LOVE Masochist WHAT IF Desire HOPE Love PRACTICALITY Passive ILLUSION Love CONSEQUENCES Alone UNDERSTANDING

Desire HOPE Love PRACTICALITY Passive ILLUSION Love CONSEQUENCES Commitment

These arms that hold me.

My quality of vision has steadily been going down. Is it because I'm getting older or do I just not want to see what's right in front of me? WHY CAN'T I BE WHAT I WANT. GOD DAMNIT

You would think this kind of frustration would push me to rise above inconsequential things. You would think with all the thinking I do, I would find a way to create something better. Yeah, you would think...

Om Namah Shivaya

"I honor the divinity that resides within me"


What does that mean to me? I recognize that I have the potential to carry that belief with me everyday just as I carry my purse. I even believe I can spread that feeling of contentedness and love to others around me, if only I was able to keep a firm hold on that fleeting feeling of joy. But how do I keep it from slipping through my fingers? Since I function better when everything is sorted and in it's rightful place, I'm going to do the only rational thing and make a list.

1. Don't think about impressing anyone, especially yourself.
2. Find the joy in your life, whether it be a lifelong passion or a great novel, and then never let it go.
3. Do something creative at least one time per day.
4. Do what you can to brighten someone's day.
5. Spend some time everyday sitting in silence.

If someone wants to achieve enlightenment and happiness badly enough, and makes a conscious effort in getting there, I truly believe the universe will gladly accommodate to their plea. That's the catch though. Making the effort is the part of the equation that so many people forget about in their search for peace. Happiness and peace are like faraway countries that require hard work and time before you can plan on visiting. You can't give up when you don't arrive there instantly. After all, traveling takes time and it will most definitely tire you out, but when you finally do arrive, you will wonder why you ever thought to just stay home.

Behind Closed Doors

      Tom was an ordinary man with ordinary habits. He drank two cups of coffee each morning while watching the news, and never forgot to take out his trash cans on Tuesday night.  Tom led a modest life with hardly any luxuries and his choice of career was no different. However, what he discovered while washing windows for the big cats downtown was anything but modest. 

      It was mid-October last year when Tom first saw all of Miss Del Fino. Oh he had seen her before, in and out of the building he works for regularly, but this time she wasn't wearing her usual business suit that made Tom's bank account tremble at the thought of such wasteful spending. In fact, there wasn't a single overpriced piece of silk or cashmere on that woman. Yes. Tom had unintentionally figured out one of the residents of Hightower Ave. was also a high paid member of the Va Va Voom Girls. That was the first of many secret lives that Tom would soon uncover, and not one of them knew their private lives weren't so private anymore.

      For instance, Sally Marshall, an old widow with more cats than friends nowadays, had a great fondness for a certain Mary Jane. The young med student in 251 would rather utter lines from Shakespeare than study surgical procedures. And it seems the seemingly put-together p.e. teacher at the nearest high school was doing a whole different type of exercise on a pole, and it wasn't pull-ups. 

      At first, Tom didn't know what to make of these discoveries. He couldn't talk to any of these people anymore knowing what happens behind closed doors, or more appropriately, behind their not so closed windows. After all, if they knew Tom knew of their shameful indulgences, how would he continue to see what they were up to. You see, Tom was an ordinary man with ordinary habits. At least, that was what his neighbors would say about him, just like Miss Del Fino and the med student's neighbors would say about them. The truth is, behind those not so closed windows, lurked a peeping Tom trying to disguise some secrets of his own.          

How Much Is Enough?

Whenever the debate to end something comes up, whether it be a career or a relationship, there's always the question of what if. Some people are very skilled at just letting things go, but, there's people like me who just can't NOT explore all the outcomes. Why is that? Why do we hold on to things so desperately even though we may know they aren't healthy? I think everyone would rather have it not work out and be heartbroken than having the 'what if' constantly hanging over their heads. This is such a struggle for most people. It's so sad that everyone is so prone to misery and will constantly seek it out, even if they don't know they're doing it! I guess that's the sad truth of life though. It's easier sometimes to be comfortably miserable than to risk trying for happiness.

Journal Prompts Pt. 1

3. Name a totally useless possession and how you came to acquire it.
I have a piece of driftwood and four stones from the beaches of La Push, Washington. I went to visit Forks and La Push with my family because of my obsession with Twilight and I have never seen anywhere more beautiful. Every time I look at that piece of driftwood, no matter how silly it may be, it reminds me of how outstanding that trip was and the beauty of that beach. 


10. Name your most cherished childhood memory.
I always smile when I think back to when my mom was alive and we would wait for my dad to fall asleep. We would break out the treats, whether they be chocolate wafers or chocolate cake, and watch The Nanny together for hours. She had this floor heater for when it got cold and we would go up to her room and lay out an array of blankets and pillows and we'd cuddle by the heater until I fell asleep. Those times always made me so happy. 


18. Describe 5 things you want to see or do before it’s too late.
I want to experience real transcendence. To be able to meditate and let go of everything seems so magical and foreign to me but I want to feel that freedom and peace more than anything. I want to see as much of the world as possible. I want to meet my soulmate. I want to make my family proud. I want to reach and expand my capacity to love. 

Oh, the possibilities!

When did it all start? All the hate, self-loathing, and jealousy. The addiction, depression, and fear. Was it, as the ancient Greeks described, from Pandora's box? Or when Eve picked the apple in the garden? People say that to solve the problem you must first define the root of the issue. That said, I wish more than anything that someone would find the answer to these questions I ask. Our souls aren't meant to be suffocated by all these negative emotions. So many people are drowning in them and some don't even know it. Maybe it's been ingrained in our minds that these feelings are normal and just something everyone has to get through. I like to think otherwise.

Of course freeing yourself from the negativity isn't a walk in the park. These feelings are poisons to the soul and the only way to bring it back to life is to fight. You must fight for the happiness you deserve. Fight for freedom of mind, body, and soul. Fight for enlightenment and love. Only then can you be free. The problem is, so many people don't have the fight in them or they're too scared of what life on the other side is like. So many people want true happiness, but they are too comfortable in their misery. To find the courage to be free is a miraculous thing indeed.

Ode To My Yoga Pants

Oh, yoga pants!
How I adore thee...

A perfect blend of stretch and fit
A comfort in my days of woe
I'm aghast at having to throw you in the pit
There's nothing else like you, that I know

When hasty days make my closet a mess
I can count on you to work in a jiffy
I love you for making my arse look the best
When we have to part I know I'll be sniffly.

So Inspiring :)

*Sadly, this isn't my work. It's something a friend of mine wrote during our senior year.

We often all get so caught up in our own lives

That we forget were alive

Take for granted these steadily beating vital signs

Take for granted our insanely complex bodies and minds

Twisting and mating and connecting and intertwining in intricate design

To create that unique individual conscious being, seeing me right now

Hearing these words I utter as your ears interpret and give meaning to these sounds

And taking part in this universal feeling called existence to which we are all temporarily bound

So please someone tell me why I see hate control the soul?

Insecurities enabling jealousy and letting envy free to roam

To prey and feast on the heart until their grip is stone

Talons dug in so deep that even if they wanted to they could never let go

I see indulgence in negative feelings, and hoping others fall

The urge to recognize what others lack just to launch assaults

Taking for granted that we even feel at all

And lacking the courage to accept that everyone has faults

Because people think there ugly so they paint other people as ugly too

In order to have the world reflect themselves, even though what they think isn’t true

So instead of wasting face on finding different things to hate

I want to celebrate that I woke up to greet the day-

I want to celebrate breathing, eating, sleeping, feeling, thinking, dancing, hearing, smelling, seeing, touching,- cuss in the words of brother ali,” I’m so beautifully human and I’m proud of it”

Its all about pinching yourself and finding joy in that you can recognize the sting

Or in the fabric of a blanket as you go to sleep

In the knowledge that if you poke yourself hard enough you will bleed

And in the differing texture of hot sand on a warm beach

Because a living thing is to rare to dismiss as trivial

And those fighting to stay alive are to unique to dismiss as the weak sheep

Because only the ones fighting to stay alive can really live the way which I’m trying to preach

So basically what I’m trying to say is love others, even if they cant love themselves, just because they are alive

And help those who have to struggle to survive

Because when people say love life, they don’t mean love your own life

They mean love everything that lives, without ever needing an explanation or a reason why

Getting By & Getting Through

I've come to realize that when I'm faced with any sort of obstacle, I get by. I don't try to think about it or analyze the issue as much as I should. Instead, I let it pass me by only to have it come back to haunt me sometime in the future. This can't be healthy. I need to start getting through my problems instead. I need to really look at the issue and deal with my emotions towards what is happening. That might make me a little more vulnerable at times but if you can't deal with your feelings, how are you supposed to deal with anything else in the world?

Phase Two

It's time for me to test my strength. There's no more dipping my big toe into the water to see if I can get used to the cold. It's time to cannonball into my new life! And for once, I'm not scared. I can't wait for this change in my life to push me to where I want to be. I know there will struggles and times when I can't embrace the day to it's fullest, but that's where my support system comes in. I always wanted to be able to do things on my own, and when it didn't work out, I would feel like a failure. Now I know how dumb I was. Of course you can't go through life without special people to help you. If we weren't able to lean on someone during hard times, we would all just fall to the ground. So I thank everyone I love for all the support they have given me. I thank them for showing me that I can live up to my dreams. I wish there was something special I could do for them, but for now all I can do is be there the same way they are for me.

"In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it's wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices." - Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat Pray Love)

Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow

I want to fast forward my life to the time where I'm settled and content with everything. I want to have that interesting ranch house filled with trinkets from around the world. Where you wake up as the sun rises and experience that hour long period of tranquility before the day actually starts. I want to look out the window and see horses, dogs, cats, and maybe children discovering life. My other half will look at me the way only your true love can and my biggest worry will be what to make for breakfast. I want to be one of those people that everyone just knows is a good and warm person. That's my image of pure happiness and what I wish for everyday. That kind of peace is so beautiful.

The Road Less Travelled By

Why is it that you can be so sure of something in the moment and it seems like the obvious thing to do, but doubt yourself completely when others don't stand behind your choice? I know everyone has their own opinions and likes to let people know them, but why do they affect me so much? Maybe I'm not sure of myself yet or maybe I'm still too weak to stand up for myself. All I want is for my family to see me as the new person that I am and to accept my decision. I know in my heart that it's good for both me and my family and that it's what is going to make me happy. Even though it's risky and maybe a bit foolish, why are they so certain that I'll fail? Maybe the difference between my dad and I is that, although we both can't see the end of the path, I can imagine it's beauty.

The Golden Chain

I used to think that distance was a huge obstacle in any sort of relationship and one that many cannot get over. I now realize how ridiculous I was. The love that I have felt for my best friend will never go away just because she's moving to the other side of the country. That's just weird to say that distance breaks relationships, and also a bit rude. Think about it... Why would someone moving away have any effect on the quality of the relationship? It doesn't! It's how you interact with someone and the connection that the both of you feel that truly matters. I know in my heart I will never stop loving my TayTay and our lives will now be enriched with each other's new experiences. Our chain of love may be stretching a little farther than it ever has, but in no way at all will it ever break.

Attreversiamo!

I feel as though everyone around me is always not one, but several, steps ahead of me in their lives. I can't decide on my next month let alone my next year. My peers are in-between two phases of their lives and it's filled with apprehension and excitement. Yet I seem to find myself buried in indecision and fear. I always have a clear view of where I'd like to be in the distant future, but I can never figure out how to get there in the present. Maybe I'm bad at the game of life. Or maybe I just lost the instructions...

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Just wait. Wait for your life to begin. Wait for it to feel like the romantic comedies you so desperately wish to be your reality. Wait for something to make you happy again.

This seems to be the thought process of so many people in our society today. They may not know that they're living by this, but they are. I myself feel like this at times. It's such an easy thing to wait and to hope for something or someone to make your life into what you want it to be. But life isn't meant to be easy. To fully enjoy it, you must work hard and push down obstacles. You have to make things happen for yourself. You have to take life right into your hands and mold it into your own vision. Instead of sitting back and admiring other sculptor's lives, I will create my own.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2RKb3VNAOo